March means March?
Nigel Farage announced a march from Sunderland to London to demand that leave means leave. I decided to look at their website and had so many reactions that I decided to write them down. Here we go…
Let’s start with the choice of Sunderland as a start point.
Obviously, it’s a few miles from Jarrow, famous for being a place that great long marches start. But that would take you near the Nissan factory. Awkward.
It’ll also give some posh Southerners the opportunity to continue to pedal the myth that Brexit is a working class Northern thing, despite the fact that the evidence shows otherwise.
And then it means that there’s an excuse to avoid ever going anywhere near anywhere other than England.
The most impressive aspect of the choice of Sunderland for a 2-week march to London is that it’s a challenge for the marchers. It works out almost exactly 20 miles a day and will leave old Nige and co needing to take back control medication and eat plenty of bendy bananas.
That’s where the claims start to stand up to so little scrutiny you’d expect them on the side of a bus.
Let’s have a look at where they’re off to.
Right, decent start, to be honest. A nice bit of coastline that was once covered in coal, so they can reminisce about the days of Get Carter et al, but they’ve famously done a good job to regenerate it. Winning a European Landscape Award.
Day 2…
Yeah, only half a day’s walking today, but they can catch that up. How about the next day?
To where??
Ok yeah I know Swainby. It’s a lovely little village just before you get to the Cleveland Hills. There’s a stream runs through the village green, and I think there might be ducks.
It’s not exactly equipped for hundreds of guardians of the British nation to rest their weary legs for a night. There’s a couple of pubs, and accommodation seems to be limited to a couple of B+Bs, so if they all cram in there they’ll find freedom of movement is very restricted. The day after they’ll be up over the North York Moors, I guess, so will need their 40 winks.
Day 4:
Aldfield?? Not Swainby? What happened to the march? That’s 30 miles to the South. Are they going to use the famous North Yorkshire wormhole? Is this wormhole the mysterious source of their campaign funding?
This is where I wish I was good enough to photoshop a load of Brexiteers whooshing through space at the speed of light. Being chased by Momo. I’ll leave you to imagine it.
That’s not the only dark transfer wormhole along the way…
Pontefract to Nostell- 6 miles
Doncaster to Wadworth- 5 miles
Worksop to Mansfield- 14 miles
Cropston to Leicester- 5 miles
Oakham to Corby- 14 miles
Wellingborough to Towcester- 19 miles
Padbury to Aylesbury- 14 miles
Beaconsfield to Chiswick- 20 miles
That’s about 130 miles of wormhole, just under half the distance from Sunderland to London. If only the Jarrow Crusaders knew about this. Or the Proclaimers.
But Chris! They’re just passionate people putting their hearts into what they believe, you’re making it sound like they’re some kinda paid protest.
I thought you’d say that, Mr Voice-in-my-head. You’re wrong. In a sign of the restrictions on freedom of movement to come, you have to pay to march.
To march for at least one day, you have to register as a core marcher. Otherwise you’re just classed as a cheerleader (honestly..)
a) No lunch??
b) “Fully paid travel once you arrive on the march”. You’re WALKING. It DOESN’T COST ANYTHING.
c) What’s in the kit? Anything good?
A Wristband! Just in case you try to sneak onto the march without paying your £50 quid, they make you wear a wristband.
The website doesn’t say that much. How do I find out more?
There’s an email address….
Yes, it’s got a .eu email address. In the case of a no deal Brexit that’ll cease to be renewable the day the march finishes.
And that links to the serious point. I’ve tried to have a good laugh at this, but big grassroots marches have been really effective forms of expression through history and should continue to be so. But when something like this comes along that’s so false, it feels like it’s mocking the memories of those who marched from Selma to Montgomery or from Jarrow to London or so many more.
The last couple of decades of anti-Europeanism that led us to this point have shown that it became powerful as a movement when the rich people who have something to gain managed to persuade the masses that it was also in their interest to turn their back on our neighbours, and they managed to construct a phoney grassroots of normal people to do their work for them. And this march is no different.
But the wormholes sound fun. And feeding the Swainby ducks. And you get free gloves.